Ya girl is back with another blog post! It's been awhile and I'm really wanting to revamp this blog and start writing more and hopefully begin a community of people to share and connect about everything positive and wellness.
Casual life update - I moved to Vancouver and in the two months I've been here navigating life I've undoubtedly learnt so much about myself. It hasn't been a breeze but I wouldn't want it any other way!
The biggest lesson I've learnt so far is to just say yes, be okay with not being okay and being a work in progress is OK.
When I first moved here I was invited to a spontaneous friends birthday drinks. Usually I am the kind of person who finds immense joy in a night at home, some wine, snacks, a nice candle and Netflix but I was feeling a little homesick and lonely and since moving to a new country means new me (right?) I said yes. Hesitant and my anxiety building a little as I got ready - what will the night hold? will they like me? are the questions repeating in my head. So, off I go into the night and a few drinks later, hopping a few clubs and it's safe to say one of my dearest friends here I met that night. Moral of the story thinking back if I had played it safe and not gone I may not have connected with that friend of mine, I may have been extra homesick and lonely and things could be very different today?
At another gathering I was invited to here during my first few weeks I met a girl who during our conversation said to me "the best piece of advice I can give you when moving to Vancouver is to get involved in things - that's how you meet people and that's how you make it here." Wise advice I must say. I took it in my stride. Within a month I got myself a job, was in an acting class and connected with the people who I already knew here - I was just getting involved and connecting with lots of different people and it really did make things a lot more bearable. I began to feel like I had a place and home in Vancouver.
Even though on paper I was doing it all right - everything looked great and I know I had nothing to be 'upset' about I was in a great place sometimes life throws you a spanner in the works.
I received some devastating news of a passing of a friend back home and I began to feel things, shock. I have felt grief before but this was different. I felt completely numb in this moment the hardest thing for me to comprehend is being on the other side of the world and not being able to hug those friends, console them and be there. Not being able to hug my parents - my family is everything and I began to find it difficult. It suddenly dawned on me the consequences moving abroad could have and how far away I really was. This hurt.
During this time I was very lucky to have a beautiful friend here who I treasure with all my heart who checked up on me and met me for coffee before I had work the next day and a piece of advice she gave me that morning was to "just be in my feelings" something that I was very hesitant to take on. As someone who covers a lot of things with humour it has certainly become a coping mechanism for me and to sit in these feelings was something my body and soul were not having. I wanted to do everything in my power to deflect but I was also exhausted so, sure enough I took time to just feel it.
It was in this time of feeling it was a time for me to take a step back and reflect. I realised deep down even though I had all these great opportunities open for me, I was settling in Vancouver easily - I wasn't okay, I wasn't authentically living my truth and I needed to give me time to figure myself out and have that conversation with myself about who I am.
In an ideal world - this would have been the perfect time to go a solo getaway to a retreat (you know like the movies?) but I did not have that option. I had a life I had started here that wasn't going to wait for me so I learnt to do this while still living my day to day life.
I took a lot of time to journal, ground myself, BREATHE, and be very self aware. I know I'm strong and this was something I needed to go through. It wasn't a breeze. I've had nights and days of tears, confusion and anxiety but I've also had some of the best days of my life and have already created beautiful memories and friendships that I know I'll treasure for life.
To this day, right now I'm still figuring it out, I'm always learning and growing and that's OK.
Conclusion - This is being an adult, I guess?
All I'm saying is in life you can be in pain and figuring yourself out but still be living your best life. Take time to reflect, look after yourself, surround yourself with people who light you up and keep going. Say yes, you are doing so great - you got this boo!
Yes, goddess. Thanks for sharing!
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