What New York City Taught Me

Hello queens!! 

This time last year I was in NYC for a month (the city that has my heart) to be re-inspired about my performing career, more focused on making it in the musical theatre world but in hindsight it taught me that musical theatre wasn't for me and there was a better and bigger path I'm meant to take. 

If we back track a little to when I was 13 and had this dream of becoming an actress it was just that. I admired Anne Hathaway and her work. I respected her craft and wanted to do exactly that - act in movies. It wasn't until I saw my first musical 'Wicked' where I discovered this world where people sing, dance and act! From that day I wanted to do musical theatre and so began my quest - one problem I'm stubborn and extremely anxious at pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I'd started taking acting classes and felt extremely comfortable on a stage or behind a screen on camera but getting myself to a dance or singing class - oh hell no! 

It took me a while but I started singing lessons and consequently started off with some bad vocal teachers who taught me wrong technique, followed by teachers who said I couldn't sing followed by more teachers bursting my musical theatre bubble that - I won't make it. I don't have the look, the build, the voice etc etc. (In saying this I have found and had a few vocal coaches along the way who have encouraged me and you know who you are.)

Musical theatre was just not happening for me. I started to notice a trend in every musical audition, I would never make it to the callbacks probably because singing in front of people (an audition panel even worse) gives me anxiety but singing at home and I'm Beyonce (or trying to be) BUT every acting audition screen or stage I would leave feeling refreshed and often book the job or get a callback... This is where I should have took this as a sign and followed where I started ACTING. 

Alas, flash forward to the present and I'm on a plane to NYC to complete a course in musical theatre. I came to NYC to re-spark and hopefully becoming re-inspired to pursue a career in musical theatre oh boy, that did not happen. A few anxiety attacks, crying on the subway and some hurtful comments later reality hit me - the world of musical theatre is not for me - I didn't fit the mould AT ALL. I'm not a skinny dancer, I can't belt to the high heavens and I don't act like a musical theatre actress. I was quirky, different and had a longing to act and tell stories that musical theatre was stopping me from doing. I didn't seem to be 'cool' enough for the musical theatre community I didn't want to blend in. I was being moulded into something I couldn't achieve and therefore they did not care for me. 

Of course, this hurt I'm stubborn and keep going but instead I took a few casting director workshops for screen and a scene study class with my favourite acting teacher Susan Pilar. There, it happened I found my place in the industry and I get accepted into the American Academy of Dramatic Arts for ACTING. It's all starting to make sense. Acting teaches me to tell a story and simply that - I can create characters, relate to them and share their story to an audience. 

I began to gain confidence in myself, a new found confidence. It was like the doors were beginning to open for me. New York taught me to be independent, it taught me to take everything that life throws at you pick yourself up and move on. It taught me to fight for what I want, to love and be grateful. To get out there and network and to be inspired by the city streets. 

Even though my last trip to NYC was amazing it was also terrifying and depressing. For a while there I thought this career wasn't for me and I was questioning why something that makes me so happy is now making me sad. I was following the wrong path and I think for a reason - so the right path was clearer than ever. 

I came back from New York ready to be open, vulnerable and act truthfully, to share stories. I'm ready for thirteen year old me to be proud of me I'm following my bliss and I have a feeling it's going to work out. 

A quote to leave you with! 

“Develop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.” - Dale Carnegie